It Puts the Lotion On Its Skin Or Else It Gets the Hose Again.

Sucker. This post has nothing to do with The Silence of the Lambs. (Well, beyond the fact that that fantastic line popped into my head yesterday and the only way to purge it was apparently to use it for the title of a post.)

I read a lot of blogs. WordPress has replaced Facebook for me as my no. 1 time-sucker. I have this to report back: a lot of people a) apologize for not having posted in a while, and b) say not to worry that they’ll be away…because they promise to post while away.

This is a mystery to me. I feel more inclined to apologize when I do post. And I am going on vacation next week, and I probably will post while away…and I’m sorry for that as well.

Herein lies the mystery. It would never occur to me that anyone, anywhere would actually notice my absence. Here. Not at home (I’d like to think that if I didn’t show up at home for four or five days, my husband would get curious). But here? I write nothing of importance and I’m not even consistently funny. Spoiler alert: neither are you. (Except perhaps the handful of bloggers I listed here.) But, what do I know. Perhaps you do get love-letters from your followers pleading with you to grace them with your literary spoils. Maybe you do get chirped at from the baby birds wanting to be fed. Implausible, but okay.

Most of the time I feel a little whorish posting my links on Facebook in a shameless shameful attempt to get more people to read my crap. And I’m grateful when people give it the time of day. I never feel apologetic for not bombarding you with even more mediocre shit.

There is no actual reason for this post other than the fact that by the time I scanned across the third blogger within an hour with this mysterious sense of self-importance, my huge green rage monster emerged and wanted to write about it. Sometimes, if it wasn’t for being a bitch, I’d have no personality at all.

  16 comments for “It Puts the Lotion On Its Skin Or Else It Gets the Hose Again.

  1. June 2, 2014 at 6:59 am

    You know what? I love your writing! Maybe it was your hysterical headline (LOVE THAT MOVIE BY THE WAY) or your blunt statement that us bloggers out here aren’t funny…. I should know I’m not funny but I continue to try. I love your humor, keep posting! It does matter!

    • June 2, 2014 at 3:08 pm

      hahaha…well, thanks, doll 🙂 and I do think most of us are funny *sometimes* 😉

  2. June 2, 2014 at 7:52 pm

    Being a bitch vs. forming your own opinions is the tomato vs. tomAHto of womanhood. I, for one, salute your personality!

    • June 2, 2014 at 7:59 pm

      Kind of you to say and yes, perspective is everything. Not sure why my husband thinks it’s funny when I tell him how sweet I am 😉

  3. Matt Russell
    June 3, 2014 at 7:05 pm

    Very well done, Erin! I especially like the part about limited personality traits…. Got to tell you also that the post about “seriously though, I’m at the liquor store; what do you need?” was brilliant. Your eye for humor/sarcasm is as strong as ever and at least I’m entertained!

    • June 3, 2014 at 7:10 pm

      Thanks, Matt 🙂 Gotta say, sometimes those someecards hit a little too close to home.

  4. June 4, 2014 at 4:02 am

    I just pretend I”m already famous and that everyone is following my every move with avid interest even though its a complete fabrication. that’s also how i get out of bed every morning…

    • June 4, 2014 at 4:04 am

      Well, I can’t speak for *everyone* but I do follow you with avid fascination. I mean interest.

  5. June 4, 2014 at 7:15 pm

    That really is the most fabulous movie line of all time. And all I can say is, at least I’m one of the funny ones.

    • June 4, 2014 at 7:17 pm

      Glad you noticed my little qualifier to the consistently funny. 😉

  6. June 4, 2014 at 8:47 pm

    I have conceded to the fact that %10 of my “followers” actually keep up with me. I am pleased to be one in the handful you enjoy though! Also, I find it funny that you tag both spellings of humor/humour. Way to keep it Internationally friendly, Erin.

    • June 4, 2014 at 8:49 pm

      I’m huge in Britain.

      • June 4, 2014 at 8:51 pm

        I’m sure I am too, {if you know what I mean}

      • June 4, 2014 at 8:52 pm

        Lol. Spicy. I like it.

  7. June 5, 2014 at 2:50 am

    I thought I was the only one who felt that way. “Sorry, guys, I blogged again. You can read it here, I mean, if you want. It’s no big deal.”

    • June 5, 2014 at 3:51 am

      Lol. You nailed it. My thoughts exactly.

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