I feel like “every day” is an overused expression. As in, “I could eat pizza every day.” Or “I’m pretty sure I’m gaining weight every day.” Or “he gets on my nerves every day.” We don’t really mean every day. We mean a lot of days. Enough days to be significant. But not literally “every” day.
The reason this has occurred to me is because there is one instance when it is entirely accurate but its overuse has sort of watered-down the phrase. Because when you lose one of the most important people in your world and you say that you miss them every day, you mean every. day.
My mom died 238 days ago. And I have missed her every. day.
Some days its more like several glancing blows throughout the day and you just keep moving. Other days it settles in to your bones and you wear it like a lead cloak throughout the day.
But the point is that it is every day. No days off for good behavior. Every day. Not a lot of days or enough days to be significant. Every. Fucking. Day. For 238 days and counting.
Oh, and by the way, don’t give me that dirty look for posting something sad on a Monday. It’s Monday. It was going to suck anyway.
I don’t have any idea what it is like to lose my mom…. I imagine it like you describe. Which I cannot imagine…but yet I can. Does that make sense? I am a total Mommy’s girl…I admit it! When I was little…I seriously never wanted to be without my mom for long…she was my air…I felt like I wasn’t going to make it without her. I try to prepare myself, so that when the inevitable happens, it might not be so bad! Impossible! I know that even words can’t really describe the feelings that you feel….everyday! This makes me so sad. DEATH SUCKS! Life without your loved one SUCKS so bad! 😦 Thinking of you….hugs! Xox
Thank you, Jen. Hopefully you have many many more years and when the time comes, you’ll have the peace that she lived a long, full life and you couldn’t ask for more than that! I think I still have some residual shock over the whole thing since she had just turned 67 and we literally had not a single warning sign. Tough lesson in the arbitrariness of life, I guess. I’d like to think that, had she lived a full life…or hell, even lasted into her 80’s, I might have been somehow more prepared. As people age, I think we subconsciously prepare ourselves since no one lives forever. But who knows – I’m just rambling 😉
Anyway, thank you for your kind thoughts, Jen. It means a lot.
I hear you loud and clear. I can’t imagine how you get through it, but you are a beacon to others and yes, even laying the groundwork for those of us that still have to suffer this. …..I admire that you’re articulating so much pain. I’m sorry that you have to, but know that even in your grief you’re finding a way to keep her with you by sharing her and your pain in her loss with us. I’m honoured.
As always, thank you so much for all the sweet comments 🙂 Sometimes I feel like I overshare (No! Not you! Never!) so I always appreciate your comments that make me feel like all this oversharing means something to some people and might do some good. Makes it easier to keep doing it 😉
I’m sorry for the every. day. ness.
And you’re right, I never noticed it’s overuse.
I guess I can’t eat Muesli every day for the rest of my life. I’ll have to think up a new one. I can eat Muesli three, maybe four days a week, for the rest of my life. And maybe not?