The Goodbye List.

I can’t get my thoughts in any kind of order except when I write things down. And I don’t keep a journal, I keep a blog. So it has to go here.

In no particular order:

  • I’m glad that my commute was 20 minutes each way and that I called you nearly every day to and from work to talk about absolutely nothing in particular.
  • I’m mad that you didn’t live long enough to be a burden. You know Jeff and I were fighting over who you and dad were going to go live with when you got elderly and senile. I’m mad that you didn’t live long enough to become elderly and senile.
  • I’m glad that you randomly called me Sunday morning and asked me to meet you at that store because you were having trouble choosing a Christmas gift. I’m so glad I rolled my eyes, threw on some jeans and met you down there.
  • I’m glad that my house got shown by a realtor on Sunday afternoon even though I wasn’t feeling good because I had to vacate my house so I went to your house and even though the realtor was in and out in 15 minutes, I hung out at your house for 3 hours.
  • I’m glad that I’m a 42-year old woman who’s never picked out a single house paint color without your input.
  • I’m so pissed that you won’t be here when I finally get published. You were my biggest cheerleader.
  • I’m so sick of saying “I just don’t understand.” It’s true, but every time it comes out of my mouth, it sounds repetitive and useless.
  • I’m so glad you didn’t suffer.
  • I’m so mad you didn’t say goodbye.
  • I’m so glad you and dad celebrated your 50-year anniversary this year. I’m so mad it was the last one.
  • I’m pissed that I’m writing this to a healthy 67-year old.
  • I’m so mad that now I’m a 3-legged dog. Sure, I’ll learn to run again, but my balance will never be as good and I’ll never be able to overlook what’s missing.
  • I’m glad you were my best friend.
  • Still pissed about the 3-legged dog thing.

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  16 comments for “The Goodbye List.

  1. December 16, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    So sorry to hear this, Erin. What a sweet tribute of words.

  2. December 16, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    So many thoughts and feeling. Sounds like the best mom ever.

  3. December 16, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    I’m so sorry you lost her. I know there’s nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I am thinking about your loss and wishing you and your family better days ahead. -Calliopunk

  4. December 16, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    I am glad she her three beautiful children and had such a close relationship with her grandchildren and most of all that she had my brother beside her for those fifty years. Many loved her. All will miss her.
    Nita

  5. Jen Nunzir
    December 17, 2014 at 5:48 am

    Erin, I am so sorry for your loss! I am so glad you have so many wonderful memories of your mom! They will help get you through this very difficult time! Thinking of you! ♡♡♡

  6. Andrea Doria
    December 17, 2014 at 9:50 am

    This is absolutely beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. I think back to the “last moment” I had with my mom, and all I can say is it certainly wasn’t the last. They always seem to visit in dreams and in flashing memories when you need them the most. I love your blogs, but I especially love this one. Lots of hugs Erin. ❤

    • December 17, 2014 at 4:54 pm

      Thank you, Andrea. That’s lovely ❤

  7. December 18, 2014 at 3:30 am

    Erin, this is simultaneously the best and the worst post I’ve ever read. I’m so very sorry for your loss but your list is so awesome. It sounds like you were both very lucky ladies. Hang in there and know that we’re all thinking of you and wishing for you to find your way through this and adjust to a new way of being as easily as possible.

  8. January 18, 2015 at 5:45 pm

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother. What a wonderful tribute to her.

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