As Good As It Gets.

I love the movie, “As Good As It Gets.” I’m using the word “love” here, about a movie. And if you love the movie, too, you’ll get that joke. Anyway, it’s a perfect movie about imperfect people without a single wasted line. Including this one:

As Good As It Gets

Remember? He’s trying to get in to see his shrink without an appointment and he turns to the waiting room full of the damaged, anxious and depressed and poses the question, “what if this is as good as it gets?” And there is a collective gasp in the room in response.

So. What if this is as good as it gets?

My mom’s birthday came and went. The anniversary of her death was December 15. The holidays are over. It’s a new year and my catastrophic loss is now 13 months in the rear-view. And I’m haunted by Jack Nicholson’s question.

What if this is as good as it gets?

I mean, it’s not as though I’m sad all the time. But definitely more than I thought I would be 13 months later. And I still think, no less than five times a day, of something I wish I could tell her or show her or ask her. And I still miss her every damn day. And now I’ve racked up a considerable number of days.

I’m sure it will continue to improve with time. But, after 13 months, I can tell you, it moves like molasses. Maybe because you’re trying to watch grass grow because you’re so anxious for it to be green again.

So, I’ll continue to focus on the good – while trying not to dwell on how much better it would be if she were here.

And I know that if this is as good as it gets – I’ve still got it pretty damn good.

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  3 comments for “As Good As It Gets.

  1. January 19, 2016 at 6:35 pm

    Not easy to create a whole new routine when the bottom has dropped out. Even harder to create that routine when you never wanted to change it in the first place. You just hang in there. You’ve managed 13 whole months and you’ve found that it can still be pretty damn good…..not perfect, not the way you’d choose it to be all the time, but still….you’ve come a long way baby……not bad when you’re having to break the habit of a lifetime, eh?

  2. January 20, 2016 at 8:13 pm

    13 months. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her but also of you thinking of her. My love to you… more than you know.

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